A Middle Child’s Reflections

Mom. 1966. Puerto Rico.

July 27, 1991

She was 44, I was 22.

Just two months away from the birth of my first child, ever the asshole, Cancer took her away.

With just two punches on her card, Cancer decided her dance card was full.

Ripped it in half and…

What they told me to expect when I was expecting my third child

Image by Jayne Schroeder

When I was growing my third child, my What To Expect When You’re Expecting book didn’t offer me a whole lot of new information.

It did cover false labor which I hadn’t experienced until pregnancy number three.

And there’s a section in the back of the book for tests you…

Me neither, friend. Me neither.

Image by Jayne Schroeder

We’re so quick to see ourselves as incomplete.
Absolutely incapable of doing something someone else is doing, if it looks hard.
We immediately tell ourselves there’s no way we could do what they’re doing.

We love to compare and contrast.

But here’s…

and the voice I learned to listen to

I didn’t get much long term relationship experience in before my ex-husband came along.

I also didn’t know that the quiet voice I felt inside, speaking up for me, was a voice I should listen to.

Boundaries? What are those?

All I knew was that a tall, young man with…

Boobs. Middle School. Life.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

I’ve had a love/hate relationship with my breasts since 7th grade, when all of a sudden, breasts became a thing.

When I desperately wanted something to be there, nothing was there.

But I still insisted my mother buy me a bra so I could fit in with the status quo.

Be gentle on yourselves, time is bananas

How five words spoken during an EKG linked connection

Photo by Jayne Schroeder

She apologized and thanked me for my patience, it was taking an unusual amount of time for the document to load. “You have so many orders in here.” she said, “It should only be a few more minutes.”

“Good grief, please take your time.”

Celebrating ten years of trusting myself and doing the next right thing.

It’s been a decade.

Since I took a leap of faith, borrowed $1000 from my big sister, signed a lease on an apartment I hoped I’d be able to afford, and took my life back into my own hands.

I had no idea how I’d pay my rent, didn’t have…

The journey of one caregiver, leading with love, and continually searching for hope, while parenting her intellectually disabled son.

Photo by Jayne Schroeder

The breakfast bar in my kitchen faces northeast and looks out over the front yard. In the morning the sun arches through the beveled edges of glass in the windows and rainbows cast themselves across various surfaces of the kitchen. I live on a relatively quiet street that I’m certain…

How One Mom Struggles To Find Her Way Within The Unknowns Of COVID-19 Reentry

Photo by Branimir Balogović on Unsplash

I don’t know.

That’s basically the answer to every question I ask myself, when it comes to how I safely reenter this world we now live in.

I’m a full-time single parent to my 21-year-old son who is disabled. Prior to the outbreak of the Coronavirus, I had a team of caregivers in…

Jayne Schroeder

Mother | Writer | Truth Teller | Survivor | Advocate | Linker | Martini Lover | Growing | Learning | Exhausted | Not Finished @see_jayne_write on IG

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